PG-13 | | Comedy, Drama, Romance | 8 November 2019 (USA)
Here’s a film review of “Last Christmas.” I’ll jump right to it. I’m not playing around today. This is a bad movie. I’m giving it a negative star. Why so vociferous, you ask? Because ‘Last Christmas’ is a sneaky, whitewashing attempt by the Chinese Communist Party; trying to sneak their vast, illegal live organ-harvesting trade into our collective subconsciousness via the Trojan Horse vehicle of an innocuous-looking Christmas Rom-Com, using two popular Asian movie stars.
Here’s the deal: As you may know, the United States is already well into World War III with China. Yes, it’s cyberwarfare—for now—but it’s World War III, alright. Trust me—this is what the Epoch Times does better than anybody, because nobody else dares to address this issue.
China is attempting, covertly, to take over the world, and part of that plan includes taking over Hollywood. You’ve seen it already; you’ve seen the Chinese symbols of Chinese production company names glowing onscreen, in your local movie multiplex. Yeah, so what?
So this: China is also covering up the worst atrocity in the history of humans—live organ harvesting from peaceful prisoners of conscience: hiding them in black jails, strapping them down, sawing open their chests in unmarked vans—while they’re still alive—and pulling out live, beating hearts. And making giant, megatons of cold cash. Megamillions.
Here’s the Deal with ‘Last Christmas’
Well, dear readership of The Epoch Times, you know the deal by now; you know what we stand for, and stand up to. Anytime our staff runs across a situation involving China trying to get away with making giant piles of money off live organ harvesting from prisoners of conscience, we blow the whistle on it.
So what have we got here? A movie blatantly about organ transplantation masquerading as a cute Christmas romance, funded by a Chinese production company.
“At the start of 2016, Perfect World announced a long term co-financing deal with Universal Pictures, which represents the first time a Chinese company has directly invested in a multi-year slate deal with a major U.S. studio,” according to UniversalFanon.Fandom.
A sweet little Christmas romance: cute, cozy, progressive, and politically correct (lesbian side narrative!). It puts a big smiley-face on organ transplantation. Makes it so nice and warm and fuzzy! Spiritual, even!
Right. Shame on Hollywood. Writer and star Emma Thompson can perhaps be given the benefit of the doubt for not being aware of China’s communist agenda, with its concept of the “Long march through the institutions,” in this case American, in order to rot our traditions and morals from the inside out. She can perhaps be forgiven for letting China get its paws on her script.
However, the script plagiarizes a famous 11th-hour plot switcheroo from a 1990s movie that put that particular plot concept on the map. This is a bit lazy.
Guess I Better Do My Film Review Job
The film’s heroine, Kate (Emilia Clarke), is a carbon copy of the bull-in-China-shop, semi-alcoholic that Anna Kendrick played a couple of years ago in “Happy Christmas“—couch-surfing and alienating friends by drunkenly sitting on their meticulously crafted matchstick galleons, and such.
Kate’s a wannabe actress whose day job is being a green-clad sales elf in a quaint, all-season Christmas shop, which is run by Santa (it’s more of a job description, really), her imperious-and-snarky-but-with-a-heart-of-gold boss (Michelle Yeoh).
Yeoh is normally a cinematic kung fu master, but is lately demonstrating a growing knack for comedy.
Kate gets unceremoniously dumped in the street by the arriving-home-early-from-a-trip fiancée of a cheater-dude Kate just had extramarital relations with (nice Christmas touch; ’tis the season to commit adultery, fa-la-la, etc.). Kate then runs into a very, very handsome Asian man named Tom (Golding).
She spies him looking at a peregrine falcon perched in some rafters. The bird immediately poops in Kate’s eye, and he tells her she’s lucky. He’s a whimsical, lighthearted, glass-half-full kinda guy, a sort of toned-down Asian version of Dick Van Dyke’s character in the original “Mary Poppins.” He likes to twirl when he walks because, you know, joyousness.
Are You a George Michael Fan?
You better be a George Michael fan because every song in this movie is a George Michael song. The only song I ever liked of his was that duet he did with Elton John, and even that I didn’t like.
Anyway, Kate ends up homeless and has to crawl home to her Yugoslavian mom (Emma Thompson) and former-lawyer dad Ivan (Boris Isakovic), who now drives an Uber, and lesbian sister (Lydia Leonard).
Sister Marta resents Kate’s prodigal sister status. Emma Thompson doing a Yugoslavian accent could be potentially hysterical, but this isn’t that movie. This is where it starts getting alluded to that Kate had some strange illness that landed her in the hospital for a while. All the while, Kate keeps running into the handsome Asian man and going on cute dates with him.
Emilia Clarke is very adorable. In “Game of Thrones” she was very naked. Here, she’s a very fetching, charismatic, cute green elf who sings well. Can’t fault her; one can easily see why her currently very famous “Game of Thrones” co-star Jason Momoa—Aquaman himself—cherishes knowing her.
Michelle Yeoh is also a little bit adorable. Even Mr. Golding is adorable.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Kate ends up volunteering at a homeless shelter, where they eventually … wait for it … put on a Christmas show.
Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that just a nice, cute movie for your Christmas entertainment?
And wouldn’t it be an absolute crying shame that, were it not for an organ transplant, the two leads couldn’t be together? What am I talking about? To fully explain it, it’s going to require a spoiler, so consider yourself herewith spoiler-alerted.
And here it is: Are you familiar with the line “I see dead people”? Viva organ transplantation! Viva guardian angels!
And it’s so nice that China provides the world with so incredibly, unprecedentedly, many organs! Get this—if you have five bazillion dollars, you can send China your stats, like blood type and such, and get a perfect match from a freshly slaughtered Tibetan, or Uyghur, or Falun Gong practitioner, who’s been held in a pen like cattle, and slaughtered. Just for you.
And here’s the kicker: You can get that set of lungs or heart or kidneys or cornea—by next week! No wait time! Normally, the average national wait time for a kidney in the United States (although it varies by state and by organ) is three to five years! Isn’t that unbelievable?
Maybe the title “Last Christmas” doesn’t have anything to do with the George Michael song. Maybe it’s a happy, happy message, like, you never have to worry about having a last Christmas anymore, due to a failing liver or lung cancer. Thanks to China.
World War III, people. This is how it starts.
Director: Paul Feig
Starring: Emilia Clarke, Emma Thompson, Henry Golding, Michelle Yeoh, Patti LuPone
Running time: 1 hour, 42 minutes
Release Date: Nov. 8
Rated: -1 star out of 5